While most people are awaking to the thought "TGIF" I awoke with tears in my eyes. Sadly my hubby didn't even notice. I don't know if he still doesn't know me or just doesn't care, but he never notices when I'm down in the morning (even with tears in my eyes).
I was suppose to be due this weekend. If he or she was to be anything like his or her older siblings than I probably would have went into labor two weeks ago. Instead on one of America's worst days in history I was told I had a miscarriage. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. September 11 of last year while the intercom was prompting moments of silence my doctor was frantically looking for my baby's heartbeat. My husband was somewhere in the ocean deployed so it was just me and my youngest, Jaidon. I had just emailed Kari before walking out the door to my appointment. We were discussing baby names. We wanted a girl and her name was going to be Crystalyn. It's the worst feeling in the world to have everything sucked out of you in an instance, but trying not to go horribly crazy in front of your baby baby. Jaidon is my protector. He walks around threatening the world if they hurt me. He wanted answers. Who killed his baby brother or sister? He'd get them for me he assured me. Even worse was the fact that they sent me home that Friday with a dead child in my stomach to wait until Monday to have the d&c. Try walking around looking pregnant, but you know the baby inside of you has no heartbeat.
Your family loves and misses you dearly. I pray that one day I can see your beautiful face. I know you're doing just fine and have grandparents with you to watch over you, but that doesn't make me miss you any less. I love you with all of me.