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6/9/10

*sigh*

I've made it through day one and have 8 out of 400 manicuring hours completed. I'm exhausted, scared, and already losing my mind. My friend told me to be prepared because the devil was going to really throw life at me, but geez he could've waited a week.

I made it to school this morning with three minutes to spare and I enjoyed it minus the fact that my teacher doesn't know much. My friend made a good point though...would you rather have a teacher that knows it all, but can't teach or a teacher who isn't perfect, but knows how to teach and takes the time to learn what he/she needs to know? I did learn some pretty interesting things that I'll be sharing towards the end of the week...perhaps as my guest blog on Sunday, who knows.

After school, Mommy was back on duty, but so were my mood swings. Basketball camp, dinner, homework, the dog, etc...Can I really do all this???? I've never wanted my meds so bad...the anxiety and mood swings suck. I want to be strong enough to say yeah I'm bipolar so what and swing back at life and hit a homerun, but right now...I don't know. I'm living day to day in prayer...just keeping faith that God provides me with both the strength and the tools I need to survive the next few weeks.

I'm praying that tomorrow and each day thereafter I have someone to watch my kids for the few hours between the time my husband goes to work and I get out of school. I pray that the fact that I've added a new bill (gas) won't starve my family. I pray that I find the time and the energy to give both manicure and my summer courses my all. I pray that by the end of this my kids don't hate me b/c I've become such a b*tch. I'm scared out of my mind....with tears streaming down my face, but I've got to accomplish what I've set out to do because I just can't afford anymore setbacks and/or failures in life.

6 comments:

shortnails said...

don't give up! It will be all worth it in the end. I'll be thinking about you and hoping everything works out for you. "hugs"

you nailed it! said...

you'll get through!
Your kids won't blame you, you can't help being bipolar and if you try to make a little spare time for fun, things will seem a little more fun.
In the end it'll all be ok!
good luck
xx

TIPS ON NAILS said...

I think going back to school is great! The first part of the Manicurist course is spent in class but, trust me when you get to work on the floor with clients you will enjoy it.
Good Luck :)

Stiletto said...

I'll keep u in my prayers girl!

Nicole Montgomery said...

As a med-free bi polar nut, I know how hard it can be. You can get through the mood swings!

Just last night, I found myself hysterical, crying and laughing and talking to myself all while pacing the kitchen floor. After talking myself down it passed. All over my husband spilling some sauce on the floor. Little things like that make me tick. After a really lovely sleep (whole 2.5 hours) I am 'normal' again...

It's hard, but doable!

DaedaeLfashion said...

Don't give up I did cosmetology during high school, its hard at first but its worth it when you can do other people nails and they enjoy it, including your own nails. Good Luck.