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I have a fever that is

I want a daughter so friggin bad. I fantasize about her hairdo's, painting her nails, and if she'll be as girly as me or tomboyish. I think about how the boys will protect her.

As many of you know, last September I had a miscarriage. My life has been a rollercoaster ride ever since that day. Some days I swear I'll never have another child. Other days I can picture my pregnant belly and the nursery,etc. Last month baby fever started to slowly creep up on me again. I believe it has to do with the fact that July is when we concieved last year. Now everytime I see a pregnant woman I get a lump in my throat and teary eyed. Yesterday I went to a Breastfeeding Awareness walk in Fresno and that really didn't help with all the pregnant women and babies around. The fact that Jaidon is going to kindergarten makes me want another baby too. My boys are growing up so FAST! I miss them being little.

We're not even in a position to try for another child and even if we were we decided awhile back that if we do have more kids we will wait until he is on shore duty. So how the heck do I make this fever go away??? It's driving me batty.


Virginia said...

I identify with you for sure... Every person I know seems to be pregnant or caring for a newborn... I used to have the baby fever really bad, but recent events have caused it to subside a bit... now I just busy myself with helping all my pregnant friends and friends who just had babies... I love to shop for them ;) and I keep telling myself that one day it will be them shopping for my baby!

CrazyMomma said...

well a good thing (if you choose to look at it as so) about being on a Navy base is you will always know at lest 3 people with small babies!! i just go over there to get my "fix" and even offer babysitting for them.

i think baby fever waxes and wanes like the tides though. some days it's all i can think about then other days it never crosses my mind. when it starts to consume me though i just focus on the gene pool i already have and enjoy the fact they are old enough to do "cool things" with.......charades, scrabble, going to (and enjoying) movies, going for hikes etc. they may not be babies anymore BUT they are my babies :)